Choti Mata’s Note: Wedding season. Biological clock. And Choti Mata is so not married at the moment. Or planning to. Do I need to say more?
Tick Tock Tick Tock.
Hear that! That is a biological clock
ticking. My biological clock.
Never mind that I am still
hovering around my mid-twenties—side notwithstanding. Never mind that the
general consensus is that I have very well regressed to my mid-teens. Or that I
never actually left my mid teens behind. The consensus is not sure.
For some not so weird reason, the
decibel levels of this ticking are raised exponentially during the wedding
season. Like right now. Probably because everyone on my FB wall is getting
married. And that is just a minor exaggeration.
To be honest, I feel absolutely
happy for all of them. They are taking the big leap towards their ‘happily ever
after’, assuming that something like that exists. Also, pigs fly.
Anyway, weddings mean good
wedding food to hog on and I don’t see anything to complain about. Except of
course if I am totally ignoring the comparative magnification of my single
status in the season—strictly for the clock hearing crowd that is. Following the ideal of 'ignorance is bliss' is an
actual art—and I am getting pretty good at it.
Just to clarify, there is nothing
wrong with the idea of getting married. And since I have always been a huge critique
of bigotry in every form, I think it is as inappropriate to judge people for getting
married as it is to judge them for not getting married. Everyone operates
within his or her own comfort zone and is totally entitled to live out their
idea of a good life. And for the record, quite a few of my friends got married
pretty early and seem to be doing great. The relevant point here is not the
timing. It is the fact that they got married not because some stupid clock said
they had to. They got married because they wanted to—were ready for it.
Which is the bottomline that everyone seems to be totally missing.
In any case, as far as I am
concerned, in my limited understanding, there is actually no reason for the
clock to panic. There is still time. I guess the clock is pretty much aware of
this. It is the people who can ‘hear it’ tick that seem to have a problem.
Contrary to the
popular belief, I totally understand the importance of this so called clock as
much as I understand the relevance of the idea of doing everything at the right
time. I do realize that it is indeed a
colossal stupidity to consciously 'tempt the clock' and invite health risks for yourself as well as
any other poor being that you just might have been assigned to bring into the
World. I understand this fact. I respect this fact.
What I don’t understand is the
need to transcend all reasonableness and sense of purpose to give this clock the
absolute supremacy. Especially when it concerns what I presume is the literal make
or break decision of our lives. To rush into alliances or be rushed into it,
just because you got a damn timeline to meet. I presumed it would be a
no-brainer that one doesn’t play the stakes of life on deadlines or panic
attacks.
Apparently, in this country, they
do.
In this country where getting
every single woman of marriageable age in the vicinity married is a national
obsession. I sometimes really want to know what part of ‘my’ in ‘my marriage’ is
so incomprehensible for everyone.
You walk on two legs. You are not
an ape. You are above 21. Get married.
You walk on two legs. You are not
an ape. You are above 18. You have female parts. Get the hell married right
now!
The fact that you might not be
financially, emotionally or psychologically ready for it is irrelevant. That
you may not be ready or willing to take up the challenges and responsibilities that entail marital
life is pointless. That you, God forbid, may not want to marry at all is sacrilegious and inconceivable.
The point is I am not getting
all moony eyed about my knight on a horse—which is obvious because (a) the
chances of that much touted knight turning out to be a chauvinist jackass are
quiet high—after all he is the figment of a chauvinist imagination which
involves damsel in distress. Definitely not designed for damsels causing
distress and (b) I am an educated, liberated woman, thank you very much.
Chances are I find a man with a pen much sexier than one with the horse…or that
white ginny from Honey Singh’s video. Not that I have anything against Lamborghinis…but
its owner’s intellect still takes precedence in my list of preference.
So, I do not harbor impossible
romantic fantasies. But I do have a fair idea of what I want from my life and
from the one I intend to share it with, if at all. The marriage fanatics out there need to
wrap their heads around the idea of choice and understand that if I or for that
matter anyone in the marriageable age bracket is single, it is because
either they are not ready to exercise this choice or they haven’t been able to
find someone to exercise it for. And in doing so, they are neither being
unreasonable nor immature. Even if they are, it is their life—I think they
have the right to ruin it. That would any day be better than having it ruined
because they married under pressure for all the wrong reasons and earned a life
time of regret—all because they did not get to exercise their choice or intuition
or anything else for that matter.
Biological clock is important.
Trust me, it may not look like it, but most of us are trying really hard to
abide by it. If for some reason we don’t, there is a good chance that it is
because we are trying to avoid a disaster which at least we think is
bigger than busting a clock. We may be wrong, but you must know that we have
the best intentions. It is our life after all. It is better this way. Our life,
our choice, our consequences.
In the end, however, reasoning is
rarely an option. So my Mother, who by the way, is extremely cool and is the
reason why my unmarried life so far has been happy and incident free, actually
came up with an interesting strategy. A brilliant tactical masterstroke, if you
ask me. So for anyone who pesters her about my marriage, she has a standard
response, *ominous tone alert* “A panditji said, do not marry her early…not okay according to her Kundali!”
See, brilliant!
Because in India, a good wedding
reception dinner is worth messing up with a couple of human lives. But God forbid, if
those planets are involved. Humans lives, after all, are dispensable. But astrology—that is
sacred. No wonder, Mother manages to shut them up every single time.
The final word however is from
another really cool member of my family, my brother. This is what he has to say on the matter, “If
you get married tomorrow, I support you. If you get married at 30, I support you. If
you get married at 40, I support you. You plan on not getting married, I support you”
With awesome brother like that
around, who cares for the clock…or for that matter, anything else!
Dear Society, watch and learn.
This is how it is done!
I can definitely relate to this Chotimata! You have a follower now :P
ReplyDeleteFew last lines just touched my heart, brother ho toh aesa :D
Good blog. Ofcourse getting married is a personal decision and so it should be. However if marriage is one of those choices then biological clock is important and more so for females i guess. Ur style of writing is surely well accomplished more like a professional but is this how every1 shud write where the reader is compelled to think or make out whats 2 + 2. and i m asking in general. can not writing be purely straight forward they way it coems across in our school textbooks.
ReplyDeleteAnyways good blog once again and hope, pray n wish that u get ur knight in shining armor or a shining pen as u so wish. god bless
Thank you for your wishes! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd as for the gender part of it, if you have been following Choti Mata, you would know by now that I do not subscribe to anything that starts or ends with "especially for females". I root for gender equality and as far as I am concerned, it is pretty much unconditional.
About the writing part, I think it is an art. Everyone has different preferences and styles. And while school textbooks are important, it would indeed be a massive loss for the art of reading and writing, if all forms of writing became like them. :)
I dont think i was challenging ur gender neutrality stance in any way, i too am for it, its unfortunate if i came across as against it. it probably maybe the result of my understanding of biological clock which if i understand is different for females and males, thats why my statement 'more so for females' in that regard. rest all cool.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand where you are coming from and as I have stated in the post above, I too respect and understand the importance of the clock. A mindless precedence to it, disregarding other equally important consideration, irrespective of the gender in question is my only issue with the idea.
ReplyDelete